The first time I saw a white person in-person, not tv. was my first time on a British airways flight to London with my family at the age of ten. I will never forget the genuine curiosity. The experience of seeing a white person in person… I was like..
“Wow a different type of human”
Racism was very new to me as someone who grew up in Nigeria. It was when I came to America I learned that I belonged to the group called “People of color”. For the life of me I could not understand it. I resisted it.
People of color? whats that? The only color I know is red, green, blue, pink.
It took a while before I made peace with the idea. In Nigeria, everybody looked like me , there was no talk about color. The only color talk I heard of was skin bleaching which I didn’t understand why people bleached their skin, I was too young to understand that. I would come to find out years later as an adult that my fellow Nigerians were bleaching to look like the white people they saw on Tv or it was the preference men wanted (A fair skinned woman was considered more pretty). There are lighter skinned people (not white but fair skin), there are albinos, but it wasn’t enough to perceive ourselves as a different race or hate each other for our wide nose, brown eyes, Fro hair, full lips and melanin. Nigeria has its own problems. My country is no saint. There was no racism but there was Tribalism, Bribery, corruption and other issues. However, nobody taught me to hate a different human so the hate was non-existent for me.
I was actually fascinated to see a different human for the first time on the flight to London. I was looking at her hair, her beautiful blue eyes, her skin and pointed nose with genuine curiosity. I wanted to befriend this different human (the flight attendant). I wanted to befriend her not because I saw her as better than me, but because I was interested in discovery. I saw the beauty of a different person. I didn’t even recognize her as white, I just knew she was different. Sadly, I didn’t have a voice as a child to ask my parents questions ( I come from a child-parent dynamic that feels like strangers). It was a family trip that I sort of went along with.
When I first came to America for school in Boston, I experienced racism firsthand. I could not understand how another human would hate me for looking different. I didn’t have a history of being treated in that way; I have experienced terrible things in life but racism was not one of them until I came here. I was young and new to America; I didn’t have enough pain like my black siblings on this land to hate back.
There were times when I could not relate in a conversation where black people are talking about being treated unfairly by white people. I would feel a little out of place in the presence of African Americans because I didn’t share in the history of racial injustice happening here. While I understand the pain, it was not the same as actually going through it for years like they did. But hey, even though I am African, I am still seen as a black person here, and therefore the American society did not exclude me from racial injustice. My first racism experience was upsetting; I simply was asking her for directions, she shoo me away as if she saw an animal.
It was not the white lady I was really upset at; I was upset at the very problem that she allowed to rob the both us from the love in togetherness.
Racism I believe is learned deep rooted self-hate that is projected on what is perceived as the other. When you cannot stand the seemingly different-ness of another human being on the outside who is fundamentally the same HUMAN as you, you are projecting self hate in the form of superiority. It’s not the different-ness of the other person you hate; it is your different-ness you cannot stand when you look in mirror of the other. You never feel the hatred when you look in the mirror of “Same-ness” because you cannot see your different-ness in that mirror. But you see your different-ness when you look in a different mirror. Suddenly you are aware that “you are DIFFERENT from the other” the different-ness you were taught to hate.
You can only give what you have absorbed, and learned to be true for you. You can only give hate for skin color because it already exists within you. It’s deep rooted self hate that was learned.
But it can be unlearned.
A person who is comfortable in their different-ness does not see a threat in the different-ness of the other… rather they see an opportunity, a pure curiosity to learn, grow, an openness to expand with, and enjoy the other.
We can all co-exist, there is plenty of room for all of us to flourish on this planet. I learned through my acting program during character development ; how we humans justify our point of view. My acting teacher gave us the task to create a circumstance with an alternate point of view. For example; I am a feminist in real life, now I have to step into the shoes of a character who is Anti-feminist and justify why I am anti-feminist. It was a tough task to step into a reality that is opposite of my own but after doing that exercise I gained a lot of empathy for women who are anti feminist and rightfully feel so. I gathered information to support my character by watching documentaries of women who believe that their role in life is to be a mother and house wife. It was eye opening, I felt the resistance to take in their point of view, but I breathe through it because I know as an actor my job is to allow people to see themselves through me and to have a sense of purpose bigger than my own.
If you really cannot stand the existence of another race whether its white people or black people, if they make you cringe, if they evoke fear within you, without judgement and with empathy really ask yourself why?
Why do I feel this way about black people?
Why do I feel this way about white people? hispanic people?
Who taught me to hate this race and why?
What personal experience have I or anyone I know had with a person from this race that has caused me to think everyone from this race is dangerous?
By asking yourself these questions and really digging deep, you will discover interesting truths about yourself and the world. It could be that you were never really exposed to these types of people and your only exposure was from word of mouth; Your Mum or dad told you these people are dangerous and showed you videos and news online about their bad behaviors. Or you were never allowed to attend school with these types of people. The truth is every race has their flaws. There are good people in every race and there are not so good people in every race.
We all share a commonality of being human therefore nothing Human is alien from any human race.
I discovered from taking solo trips as a black woman that there are mostly good people. Even though i’ve had my bad experience, I did not allow that distort my world view in a black and white way. I’m open to the grey areas. I’ve met amazing people from other races. The white cab driver that made sure I got to my hotel safely in pitch dark street, the Indian that showed me around in downtown Santa Fe during the Indian market event. The white waiter that went above and beyond to make sure I am having a good experience as the only solo black woman in the restaurant. The white woman who dropped me off at my appointment in Topanga and came back to get me 2 hours later knowing that there was no phone service in the area and she didn’t want me stuck in the middle of nowhere. I have cried tears of gratitude for the amazing souls that I have witnessed on this planet. Yes they don’t look Like me but they are human like me. I love sharing a human experience with people that look like me and people that don’t. There are good people in this world, there are good people in America.
One of our primary emotional needs as humans is the need for safety. Whenever that need is threatened, unmet, or compromised we cannot operate as our best self. We will do anything for safety. If we have to kill another human being, we will do that. Another need is the need for belonging. We will do anything to feel like we belong, we will do anything for human connection. That is part of the reason why we have crimes and shootings. The human animal comes out when our need for safety is triggered. Its especially dangerous when this need for safety is triggered and we have no adequate set of tools, or awareness to recognize what we are feeling or experiencing or we don’t have the resources to get help. When we don’t understand our bodies, and haven’t learned how to regulate our nervous system and emotions, it gets tricky.
Sweetheart, If you have racial hatred within you that sips out through your pores; in the way you treat the other race please teach yourself to see the beauty in yourself so you can see the beauty in the other race. Learn to drop your superiority shoulders, please re-teach yourself, take the ignorance lens off your eyes so you can see the beauty in colors. There are so many types of beings on this planet with all their variety, cultures and color. All there to serve your evolution if only you can see it. Travel, take a trip to expand your world view, go to Africa and play with the kids in Uganda, go to India, china, wherever, JUST go! Travel! open your eyes. Oh! we are so beauty as human beings. We are fortunate to be here, to have this human experience.
My different-ness is FOR you not AGAINST you and vice versa. Please love your different-ness so you can see the beauty in mine as I love the different-ness in me to see the beauty in yours.
My black siblings, all my siblings from the people of color group, my sisters and brothers with curly or coily hair, brown eyes, full lips… I understand we’ve been hurt; the pain is valid it can also be comforting to live in the identity of it and hate back.. Pain is addicting. When all you’ve experienced is pain and injustice, it is difficult to let go of that identity. It becomes all you think there is to experience. Please be willing to heal and let it go. Please step out of the victim mentality: nobody have any power over you except you give it away; release the self hate that was passed on to you. Realities can be remolded, stories can be re-written. One powerful thing about the human body is the ability to regenerate, your cells regenerate, you are not the body you had yesterday. You get a new body everyday, your have the ability to shed; to rebuild and so does your mind if you feed it with new information.
My white siblings, my siblings with beautiful blue eyes, fine hair, pointed nose..acknowledge the truth of the problem that black people and people of color have been treated and continue to be treated terribly in this land and educate yourselves and everyone around you.; release your self hate. You are a beautiful being. I read an article a little while ago for my acting research to truly understand the deep rooted fear white people have for black people. I found out there is a sense of numbness, almost like a desensitized feeling that is preventing white people from feeling what black people feel. I discovered that; the lack of struggle creates the inability to feel what the other feels. When you don’t know what it feels like to be treated unfairly for something you have zero control in choosing… YOUR SKIN. It’s easier to opt to not concern yourself with it. There is no pinch and so there is no ouch and you make it non of your business. There is also the sense of losing belonging with your fellow white people for standing up for the other. I understand that. My hope for you is that you have the courage to stand up for what is right.
When you don’t feel the racial injustice yourself, it’s easier to discredit it. It’s harder to relate to it. I too had that “I don’t quite get it feeling” until I experienced racism myself. I also discovered that there is a sense of guilt that is paralyzing that white people feel. You know that your ancestors were inhumane with slavery and feel like you are responsible for what they did and don’t know where to begin to repair the damage. I will say that it begins with a simple acknowledgment. Saying “I understand how you feel and I am sorry that you had to go through that” goes a long way. We all have blood flowing through our veins. When siblings fight the resolve is created by acknowledgement and apology: America has not done much of that.
To resolve a problem is to acknowledge that it exists. Healing and change begins that way. I pray we all heal from this disease;
Togetherness is delicious please allow yourself to have a taste of it….a taste of the joy in togetherness, please be open to expanding. The world of a racist person is very small, very dull like a plant with no nourishment of sunlight to bloom. Anybody can be taught racism not only white people.
Even black people can be taught that.
Please allow your life to be LARGE, COLORFUL AND FULL. I love you as you are, please enjoy and love your other human siblings.
We are all one.
